WHITE CARDS

Traveling to an alternate universe and finding out you were the evil one all along.	
My weird and feminine limbs.	
Waiting for the next series of Sherlock.	
When people refer to Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings as "back then".	
Quentin Tarantino's creepy obsession with feet.	
The Danger Zone!	
Hiding under my desk.	
My crippling anxiety disorder.	
Arguing with strangers on the internet.	
Buying the cheapest thing at Starbucks for the free Wi-Fi.	
Telling the barista your name is Primrose Everdeen.	
Volunteering as Tribute.	
Doing social experiments on your coworkers.	
"Fan" uproar over a non-white actor being cast in a movie.		
Robots full of blue stuff.	
A bit of red on you.	
The things I say during Mario Kart.	
The greater good.	
Pushing your glasses up your nose while correcting someone.	
The horrifying filth that gets into your keyboard.	
Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.	
A zero sum game.	
Ignoring Guy Fawkes' actual goals.	
Trying to break free from Comcast.	
Your dim, uncomprehending eyes.	
A Starbucks across the street from another Starbucks.	
Celebrating Halloween for the entirety of October.	
The popular notion that all geniuses have autism.	
The ordinary guy who turns out to be "The Chosen One".	
The clumsy girl who is irresistible to billionaires and/or vampires.	
A bum ticker.	
Literally using the word literally in literally every sentence.	
That moment when a character on TV pulls out a Microsoft Surface Tablet.	
Arguing that chess is a sport.	
The way people swipe their credit cards in commercials.	
People never saying "Goodbye" on the phone on TV.	
My very favorite gun.	
Terrifying space monkeys.	
A mighty fine shindig.	
Your cunningly concealed herd of cows.	
My days of not taking you seriously.	
Black market beagles.	
The crappy town where I'm the hero.	
The fake swears shoehorned into R-rated movies when they're shown on basic cable.	
These monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane.	
When you find a stranger in the Alps.	
Another superhero origin story.	
Villains in plastic prisons.	
An area rug that really ties the room together.	
Remembering the fifth of November.	
An EMF detector made out of an old Walkman.	
Surrounding yourself with as many glowing screens as humanly possible.	
Internet addiction.	
Shrugging off a crippling spinal injury through sheer force of will.	
An extra 15 seconds of footage that completely changes the tone of the film.	
Little nerd boys named Logan.	
Deeply regretting your Google Image Search.	
Thinly veiled metaphors.	
His Earlier, Darker Materials (You’ve probably never heard of them).	
That one wall in my apartment that I have to keep painting with human blood.	
That one old dude in karate movies who can kick everyone’s ass.	
When George R.R. Martin talks about writing anything other than the next Song of Ice and Fire book.	
People who still have an active MySpace account.	
People who still have an active AOL email address.	
Gently discouraging your friend from participating in NaNoWriMo.	
People who still spell out "http://www." when telling you about a website.	
"Never give up. Never surrender."	
A story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.	
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.	
Tactically ill-conceived lightsabers.	
The genetic lineage of stormtroopers.	
Whether or not the flaw in the Death Star's design was deliberate.	
The Expanded Universe.	
Letting your geek flag fly.	
Ethics in games journalism.	
Proving you're the good guys by sending strangers death threats.	
Missing the point entirely.	
Bastard-covered bastards in bastard sauce.	
MacGyver's timeless mullet.	
The messy outdoors, with all of its bugs and sunlight.	
Mispronouncing a word because you've only ever read it and never heard it said out loud.	
Lonely nerds who hate feminism.	
A sweet racecar bed.	
Hoping senpai will notice me.	
The gatekeeper.	
The keymaster.	
The new n-word.	
Taking it back.	
The Watcher.	
All of the bacon and eggs that you have.	
Marchtember Oneteenth.	
The 4th fattest town in the U.S.	
Two ex-wives named Tammy.	
The food that my food eats.	
Data mining.	
Curves in all the wrong places.	
Going on and on about how much you don't care about sports.	
Waiting for the next Song of Ice and Fire book.	
When your robots get all existential on you.	
Causational vs. correlational statistics.	
A talking lion that's really a confusing allegory for Jesus.	
Always Winter and never Christmas.	
Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve.	
Ten chapters about Hobbits.	
The Cones of Dunshire.	
My Precious.	
Nasty, thieving Hobbitses.	
A plethora of piñatas.	
Symbology.	
A movie with like twelve endings.	
An inspirational quote on a picture of a sunset or a puppy or something.	
Being a contributing member of society in some meaningful way.	
My strong desire to not change out of pajamas in the morning.	
Trying to get a friend hooked on a TV show so you can talk to someone about it.	
Another endless company meeting about efficiency.	
All the updates you need to install on your brand new computer.	
The "upgrade" that slows your system to a crawl.	
A TV show about computers, written by people who have clearly never used them.	
The Fing-Longer.	
"Troll the respawn, Jeremy."	
Modern interpretations of Shakespeare's plays.	
The unwashed miscreants that go to that school. 	
Joey "Eat Me" Donner.	
Planet Loser.	
The way everything just has a little more authority with an English accent.	
Bogey Lowenstein's party.	
Living full time as a werewolf.	
Trying to get @midnight to notice your tweets.	
The Hashtag Wars.	
Deviating from the source material.	
A rare, mint condition, first edition Black Lotus card.	
Tapping dat artifact.	
Leaving two blue mana untapped just to fuck with your opponent.	
Serra Angel's titillating cleavage.	
Emotional time travel movies with a strong female lead.	
A brilliant idea with terrible execution.	
Chris Hemsworth's contractually-obligated shirtless scene.	
Cleverly working your larp skills into your resumé.	
Saying your ferret is an "emotional support animal" so you can bring it into WalMart.	
Coworkers who reheat fish in the microwave.	
My second place chess trophy.	
That awkward moment.	
Abandoning Steampunk after you realize how much it appeals to hipsters.	
Facial hair you can see from behind.	
A killer rabbit with nasty, big, pointy teeth.	
Complaining about a movie you haven't even seen yet.	
The violence inherent in the system.	
The velociraptor whisperer. 	
The movie we all want to see: Jurassic Parks and Recreation.	
"Put that thing back where it came from or so help me."	
A very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career.	
Running in heels.	
Cloning up some dinosaurs, just for the hell of it.	
My cats' undivided attention.	
The World's Tiniest Hat.	
Too many Spider-Men.	
A political argument on Facebook with your friend's racist aunt.	
The absolute bare minimum of physical exercise.	
An adultier adult.	
Prepackaged non-conformity.	
The only female character in the entire story.	
Quasi-futuristic clothing.	
Unconvincing stunt doubles.	
An easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.	
Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.	
Sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads.	
People who are intolerant of other people's cultures.	
The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.	
The Diet Coke of evil.	
The entire Tri-State Area.	
The biggest, blackest hole.	
Those glasses, and that ponytail.	
Paint-covered overalls.	
The same thing we do every night, try to take over the world.	
Getting all your dating advice from John Hughes movies.	
Six seasons and a movie.	
Ten points for Gryffindor!	
Turning SafeSearch off.	
The Internet's unhealthy obsession with cats.	


BLACK CARDS

Do you want ants? Because _____________ is how you get ants!
There's an app for _____________.
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of _____________.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs should be updated to include _____________.
Irony is _____________, along with _____________.
Damn it! Kickstarter rejected my application to crowdfund _____________!
One TV/movie trope that needs to die is _____________.
I don't know what I find more annoying: _____________, or _____________.
This summer, Marvel will dominate the box office with _____________.
All you really need to be steampunk is _____________.
I only like to read comic books about _____________.
Unfortunately, before Black Widow gets her own movie, there will first be one about _____________.
I rubbed the magic lamp, but instead of a genie, _____________ came out!
Girls don’t like boys; girls like _____________ and _____________.
I’m boycotting _____________ because of _____________.
You thought high school was awkward? Wait until you encounter _____________.
Finally! Someone on deviantART has reimagined Disney princesses as _____________!
I spent three hours last night arguing with strangers online about _____________.
I just started my own viral internet hoax about _____________ and _____________.
The citizens of Smalltownville are in peril! This looks like a job for…
I always imagined my first time would involve _____________.
In the MCU, Stan Lee is clearly _____________.
People think being a nerd is about _____________, but it's really about _____________.
I'm sorry Tumblr, but _____________ is not a gender.
Talk to your doctor if you have moderate to severe _____________.
This is the future? I thought it would have more _____________.
The only thing saving us from Skynet is _____________.
Aslan had to sacrifice himself because of _____________.
How disappointing, the back of my wardrobe just leads to _____________.
Legolas, what do your Elf eyes see?
Name one thing you're gonna need a rope for.
I am reinventing myself as DJ _____________.
Good news everyone! I've just invented a solution to _____________!
___________ is often in direct opposition to _____________.
What would be the best indie band name?
Define normal.
Spoiler alert: The next _____________ will be full of _____________!
_____________ is the _____________ of _____________.
After the incident, now I have the power of _____________.
They're remaking _____________, but this time with _____________.
Rick Astley won't give you up, but he loves _____________.
Once we start to really explore space, we'll just be disappointed it doesn't have more _____________.
You kick down the door, and find _____________.
You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with _____________.
We were just rehearsing for our new musical: _____________.
Where did it all go wrong?
How do you win at steampunk?
What should Jon Stewart devote his time to next?
Only two things scare me and one of them is nuclear war.  The other is ____________.
There are only two things I can't stand in this world: _____________ and _____________.
_____________ is dead. Long live _____________!
What do you want to do tonight, Brain?
I've just never really understood _____________.