WHITE CARDS

The mystery crank.
The scene in the middle of the credits.
This beard, this big, Victorian beard.
The linden tree's sweet, distinctive scent.
The funny wheels on that penny-farthing.
The bright side of life.
Your pelvic sorcery.
Twelve percent of the credit.
The most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life.
Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.
That guy's leg.
Pining for the fjords.
Hello Kitty's face on every damn thing you own.
Pretending you care what a first round draft pick is.
Finding another excuse to not play football with the guys.
Falling asleep to a baseball game.
Pretending apple picking is fun.
Instagramming your pumpkin spice latte.
Playing chess without a board, or pieces.
Freddie Mercury riding on Darth Vader's shoulders.
Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria!
The nearest convenient parallel dimension.
The statute of limitations on spoilers.
Peace in our time.
The Dorothy Everytime Smurf Girl Trophy for Excellence in Female Stuff.
Network connectivity problems.
The completely plausible existence of multiple desert planets in one universe.
Bea Arthur singing.
Realizing Doc from Fraggle Rock is the guy with Tourette syndrome in Boondock Saints.
Idolizing a mass murderer.
Picking up a lightsaber and just winging it.
My mind palace.
Your OTP.
Clueless parents bringing children to see R-rated movies.
You son of a motherless goat.
A big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us.
Riding eternal, shiny and chrome.
The Green Place.
An electric guitar/flamethrower.
*mumblecough*
My dead mother Martha.
Live tweeting this dumb ass conversation.
A Wikipedia rabbit hole.
The ear-piercing screech of a dial-up connection.
The RSS Boaty McBoatface.
A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break.
Maximum effort.
White girls who know all the words to Salt N' Pepa's "Shoop".
A crisp high five.
My authentic Klingon Bat'leth.
People who refer to their favorite sports team with words like "we" and "us".
Trying to catch 'em all.
Walking into traffic to catch a rare Pokémon.
Old Glory Robot Insurance: for when the metal ones come for you.
An app that tricks nerds into going outside.
Learning how long a kilometer is.
Finally evolving your Magikarp.
Just wanting to be the very best, like no one ever was.
These salty parabolas.
My everlasting love for Jillian Holtzmann.
Barely passing the Bechdel Test.
MRA horror.
My ruined childhood.
To protect the world from devastation.
Two tons of irony.
The five Ds of dodgeball.
The American Dodgeball Association of America.
A poopie-flavored lollipop.
A room full of nightmares.
Passing the Turing Test.
Failing the Turing Test.
More Harley Quinns than you can count.
Captain Blondbeard, Space Pirate.
The greatest botanist on Mars.
The Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth.
A big red cape with a mind of its own.
Unfinished business.
An all-syrup Slushie.
The No Homers Club.
The Stone of Triumph.
The Stone of Shame.
Your magic pixie drink.
Getting wax in your mouth.
Kermit the Frog memes.
Microtransactions and the people who pay them.
Running outside to catch the pretty white flakes on my tongue.
The darkest timeline.
Playing Fallout in an actual fallout shelter.
The Beforetimes, in the Long, Long Ago.
Mister Doctor.
One horse-sized duck.
One hundred duck-sized horses.
The agonizing inner turmoil of a white billionaire superhero.
The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.
A desperate battle against incredible odds.
Our parents' imperfect understanding of technology.
Some kind of thermal oscillator.
Energon cubes.
"Bah weep granah weep ninni bong."
Putting some tape over the "Death" button.
An 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear.
Mary Poppins, y'all.
The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison.
The epitome of hyperbole. 
Seven "What's New Pussycat?"s in a row.
One "It's Not Unusual".
The Salt and Pepper Diner.
Men yelling indistinctly.
The memes.
Dad jokes.
Puzzlement that borders on alarm.
When the Fire Nation attacked.
Executive Producer Dick Wolf.
None pizza with left beef.
The police who investigate crime.
The district attorneys who prosecute the offenders.
A 30% chance that it's already raining.
An overwhelming surplus of diggity.
Safe passage through the anus.
A friend from work.
Going subatomic.
What the French call a certain "I don't know what."
Planned obsolescence.
Snake clowns.
Dinosaurs without feathers, like we're used to.
The whole deal the British have with boarding schools.
Wonder Woman eating ice cream.
A Social Justice Paladin.
A big ol' pupper.
The Corellian Bloodstripe.
One pointy boi.
Two Grace Jones-looking chicks.
The Tolkien white guys.
The Year of the Doggo.
The Russian pornbots.
Your compromised data.
A targeted ad that's just a bit too specific.
Putting a Post-It over your webcam.
Your biggest bucket of bullets.
Face-swapping with things that aren't faces.
Allowing people to be wrong on the Internet.
A moon-faced assassin of joy.
Creating another new email address to get another free month of Hulu.
A reasonable ratio of wontons to broth.
The absolute heroes who saved your favorite show from cancellation.
(Screaming internally.)
Ice T just naming examples of things you could be addicted to.
When someone plays too many scratchy lotteries.
That time Loki really, truly, actually, 100%, no tricks, for real, died. We think.
A horse in a hospital.
Conversations with your symbiote.
The Snapocalypse.
This armless, legless, faceless thing, rolling down the street… like a turd… in the wind.
Female presenting nipples.
Troy and Abed in the Morning.
Non-denominational Mr. Winter.



BLACK CARDS

My name is spelled _____________, but it's pronounced _____________.
What does "I am Groot" mean?
All we need to complete my brilliant plan is ___________.
This parrot is not dead; he's _____________.
How did you scare away your last date?
What's the weirdest thing about dating a jock?
How do you fake it to fit in with the crowd?
You may be cool, but you'll never be _____________ cool.
Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say _____________.
When it came down to it, the MCU Civil War was really all about _____________.
I typed your symptoms into WebMD and it said you might have _____________.
Some number of fanboys are always going to whine about _____________.
My little buttercup has the sweetest _____________.
In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For us, El Guapo is _____________.
I just found out from a Facebook quiz that my name means _____________.
Only 90s kids will remember _____________.
Do not drive or operate heavy machinery until you know how _____________ affects you.
I don't play Pokémon Go because of _____________.
My favorite kind of movie is now just anything that features _____________.
What would you see in the Mirror of Erised?
What is the current password to the Gryffindor common room?
Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even _____________.
I don't know where you magic pixies came from, but I like _____________.
It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit _____________.
When times get tough we can always blame _____________.
In nuclear winter, I'll stay busy with _____________.
Who killed the world?
Which would you rather fight: _____________ or _____________?
Many Bothans died to bring us _____________.
Okay, but is _____________ inside of _____________ a sandwich?
Why do we even have that lever?
Breaking news: Millenials are now killing _____________.
In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: _____________ and _____________.
Confession time: I have only been pretending to understand _____________.
I don't care. I'm still free. You can't take _____________ from me.
Who would win: _____________ or _____________?
George Lucas just went back and added an unnecessary musical number to _____________.
Where is your god now?
I don't know what _____________ is, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.
Choose the form of the Destructor.
Who the hell is Bucky?
He's ____________. She's _____________. They fight crime!
_____________, that's the name of your sex tape.
What the hell are Regionals?